Choose Whom You Will Serve

The ability to do the right thing can become an idol. Kevin Kim is a house church shepherd at our Gold Coast campus, and he preached the final week of Full Life in Christ from Joshua 24:14-28. His testimony asks us to examine whether the good things we do have become a replacement for a relationship with God.

Good at Doing Church

Being dependable can become a way of measuring yourself. As the firstborn of four children, he grew up being the person his parents and sisters came to for answers, whether that meant fixing the internet or reading a letter. His mum still calls about official-looking mail, only to hear that it is a scam.

That responsibility carried into family life, worship ministry and shepherding. People knew that if they asked, things would get done. He loved helping and kept saying yes. Over time, the ability to perform, know the answer and do the right thing became an idol of its own.

I think I was hiding behind morality as a replacement for a relationship with God.

Salvation by faith was already clear to him. Yet his ongoing Christian life was crowded with efforts to perform. Preaching, singing, praying and lifting your hands can all give the appearance of intimacy with God. God knows what is happening underneath.

There were Sundays when he served while carrying guilt and shame about his own sin, putting up a performance even while wanting to obey. Both things were present. The desire to serve God did not remove the need to admit what was going on in his heart.

Sit in His Presence

Feeling unworthy can make us shy away from God and try harder to do the right thing. That was a familiar response, including feeling unworthy to be a shepherd. The habit he needed to learn was to turn towards God with that weakness.

Kevin described a vision during a low point in his life: enemies surrounded him, and a knife bore his name. He also saw God preparing a table where he could sit in God's presence, even with those enemies around him.

The vision made the personal nature of temptation clear to him. Our weaknesses are known, and the things drawing us away from God press on those weaknesses. The idols he names are familiar:

• Self
• Finances and security
• Friendships and relationships
• Marriage and children

At that table, he could surrender and find peace. Jesus said on the cross that it was finished. He did not leave the victory waiting for us to complete it. We can choose God, sit at his feet and enjoy his presence.

That choice can begin with a plain prayer.

God, I just want to choose you today.

Speak it over yourself. Encourage a friend who is struggling. We can bless one another and help each other turn towards God, surrendering our dependence on our own ability.

Sincerity and Faithfulness

Joshua's command gives that choice its seriousness.

Now therefore, fear the Lord and serve Him in sincerity and in faithfulness.

God wants all of us. That includes our failures and our sin, and everything we hesitate to bring before him. Choosing him requires reverence. We cannot reserve faithfulness for Sunday or Friday house church, then turn around and live completely differently the next day.

We have to wrestle honestly with what we want. There are times when choosing God feels distant because we have gone so long without doing it. Joshua confronts the people with the gods their fathers served and the gods of the land where they now live. Old idols and attractive new ones both demand a decision.

The warning is blunt. If we refuse to give ourselves fully to God, he may give us over to our sin. That is a terrible place to be.

A surrendered life still involves serving. Everyone in a house church has a part, including opening the door, welcoming someone or cleaning up. The order matters: we do these things because we have been redeemed. We can serve with a heart surrendered to God, trusting him to work on our behalf.

Despite My Weakness

Pride can survive inside words that sound humble. At his first house church in July 2019, Kevin warned people against depending on him because he would eventually fail. Looking back, he recognised masked pride in that confession: he had arrived from Sydney convinced he knew how to do house church and would teach everyone else.

Pride also takes the quieter form of believing we can manage without God. We can lead worship, prepare a message and speak well while barely consulting him. Competence can make that independence hard to recognise.

Learning to surrender took years and involved painful humility. Looking back at early house church photos, he could see that God had grown almost all those people into shepherds despite his failures and pride.

That gave him reason to trust God's faithfulness. House churches keep hearing testimonies of his goodness and mercy. People mess up, return and receive love. Our weakness does not prevent God from working. His goodness gives us reason to surrender again.

We Will Serve the Lord

Remembering God's faithfulness, he could say with humility:

As for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.

If you feel far from God or have nothing to offer, you can turn to him in faith. Revival can mean God giving new life to you today, even when you feel dead. Ask him for that miracle.

Bring the unworthiness with you. Stop trying to earn what you cannot earn. Make this your prayer today.

God, today I will simply choose you. I'll stop trying to do stuff for myself. I'll stop trying to earn anything, God, because I simply can't. And I just want to choose you today.